LOVE CRAZED...

Bitch Fest

Thu, 24 May 2007 00:56:22 GMT

Don't read this if you don't want to hear someone bitch because I'm going to bitch. I don't want pity, I don't want sympathy. I am strictly bitching because this is my ONLY outlet.

A series of things happened yesterday that got me down. I got fed up and didn't want to talk to anyone, so I set my away message and some how that seemed to be the invite for everyone to want to talk to me. I was selective about who I talked to because I knew some would just make the mood worse. I didn't do so well with the selecting. I spoke to one of my friends, who shall remain anonymous because I am just proving a point and he's really not significant to the story.

FRIEND: so why are you down?
Cynthia: i'm tired of bullshit. I'm tired of being treated like crap. I'm sick and tired of being unappreciated and only being seen as one thing
FRIEND: yeah
Cynthia: yep
FRIEND: makes sense, I mean I wont talk you out for feeling that way
Cynthia: because you know its true and you're one of those ones that see me as just one thing (this friend of mine has been trying to get with me since my freshman year in college and i've never let him)
FRIEND: I know it is true, I see you as more, but circumstances don't let you be more
Cynthia: yeah well even when the circumstances would allow, i'm only one thing to most. Even to those who were supposed to be my friend.
Cynthia: I'm tired being a friend of convenience
FRIEND: I respect that
Cynthia: yeah ok.

Earlier that day I was made to feel like total crap by one of my friends. I'm only a friend to him when he has time to be a friend, which is only after he has spent time with his "more important" friends or his "more important" friends are busy. I'm tired of being second or third or fourth to most of my friends. I've always been taught to treat others the way I want to be treated and yet some how, I still get treated like shit. If you don't want to be my friend, fine, say so. I'll live without you. I'm tired of being unappreciated. I bend over backwards for all my friends and yet I still get treated like crap. I don't ask for much from my friends. I just like to be involved with them. Talk, hang out, enjoy one another's company. I'm so tired of being treated like crap. Most of my friends are guys, why? Because I've found that guys are easier to be friends with than girls (less drama, less bitchiness, less everything), but as soon as I grew a pair of boobs and an ass, it seems that guys only want to be my friend in hopes of getting to touch those assets. I am more than a sexual object. I'm a person. I have feelings. When I say I want to hang out with you, it does not necessarily mean I want to fuck you. It actually means I want to see you. Spend time with you, watch some of our favorite shows. Oh and if you have a girlfriend and you try to keep that shit a secret or deny it because you think it would change our friendship, grow the fuck up. If you and an ex are trying to work things out, more power to you, but I wont be up in the mix of that. I'm loyal. I stick to one guy. You can't change that about me, so stop trying. I love how some of my friends try to change my opinion and try to tell me to live life and enjoy it the way I want. I am enjoying life the way I want, not the way YOU want me to live it. I don't try and change any of my friends, so they need to stop trying to change me. I honestly love all of my friends with all my heart, but come on now, sometimes you guys are just fucking cruel. I will always be your friend, and I will support any decision you make, just don't disrespect me or mistreat me. You wouldn't want anyone to treat you wrong.

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 02:18:07 GMT

oh and p.s.

I'm making a cut in a week...so you need to decide if you want to stick around. if not i'm deleting you and there's no coming back.

DO IT!!

Thu, 12 May 2005 15:26:18 GMT

stolen from valkyrii

another place to find me...

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 14:24:09 GMT

ok, not only am i at myspace, but i'm also here at hi5

http://www.hi5.com/i?l=2GG1DZC

go there to set up an account and to add me!

FRIENDS CUT

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 01:52:21 GMT

i cut some people...check my user info for your name and if you're there, you're safe, if not...well if you really wanted on there you would have made more of an attempt to be a friend.

ha ha ha too funny to forget

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 07:19:26 GMT

so how do you know if someone is in the witness protection program???

when they are driving a van that has "secondary housing relocation agency" plastared all over the van AND has government issued plates.

i saw that today on my way to work and almost caused an accident because i was so shocked yet amused at the same time. i started laughing at how stupid the government is and had to pull over to get a grip. lol

thats my laugh of the day.

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 08:38:18 GMT

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**********(¨`·.·´¨)************
******(¨`·.·´¨).¸..(¨`·.·´¨)*******
*(¨`·.·´*·. ¸.·´ ** `·.¸.·´ `·.·´¨)*
* `·.¸.·sHoWiN' sOmE LoVe.¸.·´*
*******(¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨)*********
********`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨)..·´**********
*************`·.¸.·´************

Got MySpace????

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 02:16:38 GMT

I never thought to do this, but i have a spot at www.myspace.com. so if you have a spot there feel free to add me.

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/751801

i dont really use it much, but i've found a couple of friends from high school so who knows. lol.

good news...

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 08:18:19 GMT

i have 2 dj codes...thats right...2 codes. first come first serve. let me know if you want one.

in other news...

i want a cinderella icon *sigh* i hate being untalented. and the god damn icon that EVE has...the notebook *sigh* i ♡ that movie....

i need everyone's help

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 09:32:14 GMT

daria on dvd....i want it...and i need help to get it...

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/Daria

and this one (thats right, 2 different petitions for on cause)

http://www.petitiononline.com/dvdaria/

boredom consumes

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 05:34:43 GMT

LOOK OUT!
ïòð

strprncss is a radioactive squirrel!!

From Go-Quiz.com

THIS WAY UP
á

lovecrazed has fragile contents which may break!

From Go-Quiz.com

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK]

You are Cool!

You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person.

Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

How to make a Cynthia

Ingredients:

1 part pride

5 parts silliness

5 parts joy

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of curiosity and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

a bunch of nothing...

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 08:14:28 GMT

oh i almost forgot...i called jeremy today. i was NERVOUS. odd i tell you, odd. he didnt answer his phone so i left a message...so it looks like phone tag.

hmmm, im interested in the guy that i have rounds with all the time. he's a good guy and he's focused on what he wants in life. we just cant find the time to hang out. the thing is, i miss him when we arent talking, and i crave to be near him when we are talking. *sigh*

its odd how im not really making much progress in terms of moves on guys. i want a relationship, but im doing ok without one. i guess its because i want more out of a relationship with someone than just sex. i want what mike and i used to have. i want that with someone. i want to have a relationship with someone and have it progress into marriage and babies. *sigh* i know all of this will happen in time...i guess im just getting impatient, although its not depressing me, which is good.

um...there is another guy im interested in...but we are doing so well as friends. so i dont know.

i need to start doing my pilates again. like seriously. im up to 145 pounds, and while i dont look bad, i can no longer fit into my size 10 pants. pilates here i come...

had to get up hellla fucking early today to get my braces adjusted...they hurt so bad. :(

last night was a night i will never forget. last night i reaized how much i really cared for a certain someone. she scared me beyond all belief and i stayed up all night to make sure she was alright. although i dont think i made it very long, but my computer and volume was on all night just in hopes that i would get some kind of word she was alright. i talked to her today, and i know she is alright now.

[you know who you are...and i just want you to know, that i love you so much baby girl. and i dont want you to feel bad for last night, all it means is that i really do care for you and that i would do anything i possibly could to help you in anyway.]

um, lets see, alittle on the odd side, but i think i might be a tad bit on the bi-curious side. dreams about sleeping with girls, thoughts about girls and what it would be like to try things...lol i am losing my f-ing mind here!. oh well. i dont even think i'd have the guts to attempt something like that. and i know its not something i would ultimately turn to because i love GUYS and their PARTS ;) lol.

ok, now that i think im losing my mind, i think im going to go to bed.

a few things...

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 04:37:55 GMT

i guess ill start with the bad news and move onto the good news. got news on that house that i wanted. we didnt get it. :( im sad but in an odd way relieved. i mean now i dont have to worry in terms of rushing to move out. and now i can just take time to focus on what i gotta focus on.

now onto the good news...i'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER today. woke up this morning and went to work all puffy eyed and feeling dumpy. did my work, sandra did my best to make me smile. then i had my mt. dew code red and got the caffine in my system lol. i was working on some price changes when SOMEONE came into work and suprised me with a long stem white rose!!! MY FAVORITE FLOWER!!! all of a sudden i like felt every ounce of blood rush to my cheeks. i did everything i possibly good to keep my knees from giving out and making more of an idiot of myself than i had already. THANK GOD sandra wasnt right there next to me because i would not have been able to control the blood flow to my cheeks. i acted like such a retard. i barely looked at him or talked to him. god, im such a stupid idiot. lol for some reason this guy made me nervous. i at least thought i should have given him a hug for the rose and i didnt even do that!!! gosh, it was so sweet though. NO GUY has ever given me flowers before. it totally made my day. :)

anyways, i am gonna get going because i just got a phone call from him and im going to finish that up.

yeah, i wish

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 06:05:39 GMT

I am worth $1,737,540.00 on HumanForSale.com

my anthem

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 08:14:11 GMT

GREEN DAY LYRICS

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

be honest

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 06:53:10 GMT

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

WHAT ABOUT US:
» Who are you?
» Are we friends?
» When and how did we meet?
» How have I affected you?
» What do you think of me?
» What's the fondest memory you have of me?
» How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
» Do you love me?
» Have I ever hurt you?
» Would you hug me?
» Would you kiss me?
» Would you fuck me?
» Are we close?
» Emotionally, what stands out?
» Do you wish I was cooler?
» On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
» Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
» Am I loveable?
» How long have you known me?
» Describe me in one word.
» What was your first impression?
» Do you still think that way about me now?
» What do you think my weakness is?
» Do you think I'll get married?
» What about me makes you happy?
» What about me makes you sad?
» What reminds you of me?
» What's something you would change about me?
» How well do you know me?
» Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
» Do you think I would kill someone?
» Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

SERIOUS APPLICANTS ONLY!!!

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 06:39:07 GMT

your name:
email address:
location:
astrological sign:
how did you find my site?
date of birth:
height:
hair color:
eye color:

smoke?
Drink? if so how often?
Tattoos and/or piercings? if so where and what are they?

Relationship with mother:

Biggest Flaw:

Biggest Fears:

Best Asset:

Ideal Date:

Favorite Movies:

Favorite Musicians:

Favorite author/book:

how long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her? jump her? dump her?

do you have a car?

are you an avid gamer?

what's your opinion on david bowie?

pretend you're talking to a friend and describe me:

if you do not live in daily driving distance, would you take trips to visit?

longest relationship:

last relationship and when ended/how long:

why do you want to be my boyfriend?

anything you want to add?

***PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THIS APPLICATION AND EMAIL THEM TO ME WITH YOUR ANSWERS AND A PICTURE***
EMAIL ADDRESS: CYNTHIAHENNIS@GMAIL.COM
****APPLICANTS WHO DO NOT SUBMIT A PICTURE TO MY EMAIL ADDRESS WILL BE REJECTED****

no reason other than i feel like it.

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 00:03:37 GMT

there is one person in this entire universe that is the greatest person in the world. without this person i would not be who i am, nor would i be able to exist without her.

ladies and gentlemen that would be my bestest friend in the whole wide world. i just want her to know that i love her more than life itself and she is my soul mate.

(what she doesnt know is i have a secret up my sleeve...shhhh, she doesnt know what it is ;)) lol. maybe if she's a good bestest friend she'll find out soon.

now off i go to make some lunch.

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 16:49:20 GMT

feeling much better this morning. last night was a downer (aparently!lol). called for the food stamps and all i got was fucking 130 bucks to last me a whole month for 4 people. wtf is that? oh well i really cant complain because its going to help.

about last night...of course i want that someone in my life but you know what, i also know that i can live life without that someone. i know i have gotten this far in life by myself with the help of no one. its just really great to have that other half in your life. i guess beggers cant be choosers.

anyways, i really want to go back to sleep but i doubt that will happen, so now i dont know what to do.

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 05:17:20 GMT

my teeth hurt...

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 04:24:30 GMT

love, what an evil word. i thought i found love once with someone, and he left me. for no reason at all. now i get the feeling that i'll never find it again. then i meet this really great guy, i think to myself that i've gotten another chance, and he leaves me just like the other. what is it about me that makes guys leave me for no reason? is there something i'm missing here? people tell me that i'm great girlfriend material yet i cant keep a fucking guy in my life. i just dont know what to do anymore. people tell me to just give it time and such, but i miss having that love in my life. to have that other half in my life, the support and relationship. i guess some people just dont get that in life. and im one of them.

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 03:47:15 GMT

ok, so seeing Live Journal has been down, i'm putting a bunch of posts that i had done in my dead journal...

i made these for my bestest friend. im really beginning to like this sort of stuff. its kind of addicting lol. and the best part of it all, is the only program i used to make them was paint. :)

i really like this one, im majorly impressed with how it turned out. i kind of want it to be on my desktop lol. (only with someone else in the pic lol SORRY BESTEST FRIEND)

this one, i was playing around with. still impressed with how it came out though.

my second creation of the night...wow i amaze myself sometimes

HOW YUMMY IS HE????? :)

this goes out to all those i fucked up with...
evanesence
forgive me

Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out
I felt like I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you

Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you

I made this...and im really impressed with it.

This is now my desktop theme lol.

what a stupid fuck.
i hate stupidity i really do. i spent the entire day downtown applying for food stamps and different programs to help my family. i find out that i can get a supplemental pay for being my mother's care taker. i got my food stamps so that i can feed my family. well all is well and such. i did all the applying and appointment making that i possibly could today. so im home relaxing waiting for the government to issue my food stamps to my EBT card. rich comes home and he starts telling my mom that i wont be able to be her caregiver because i work. he is so fucking stupid. i just got off the phone with a social worker and i qualify to be my mothers caregiver. my brother and sister may also qualify for supplemental income because my mom does not get enough money to take care of her and her two dependents. so we have an appointment for that also. he still tells me that im wrong and that there will be people here investigating because i wont be home. lol. i was like you stupid fuck, the only way i could get into trouble is if your fucking ass is here. i so want him out of here. he's just jealous because my mom and i actually deserve the assistance that we are getting. he's pissed because he is an able body and is employable and he doesnt qualify for any government assistance. lol. maybe he needs to get a job. maybe he needs to grow up. what a stupid fuck. and me, i know nothing because im younger. pfff. i really hate it when he's drunk and high on some unknown drugs. i spent the entire day sitting around people just like him trying to get assistance where its needed and then i come home and have to deal with his shit. i felt like major scum today. like i was one of them. while i sit back and want those that really need it get it. i was told the other day that i should take it because my family does need it. i dont know whats going on. anyways, thats my rant of the day.

I HATE RICH!!!!!RICH IS A STUPID FUCK!!!!

wanna pick a fight???

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 05:09:25 GMT

mood swings are kicking in today. they come out of nowhere. one minute im fine, coaching myself "i can do this, its gonna be ok" to feeling like the scum in pond water. im getting paranoid about eddy. thinking he doesnt want me anymore. thinking if he did want me, he would call me or make more of an effort to be online or what not. crying on the inside because i found someone great and i dont want to lose him. wait...the crying on the inside, just turned to the outside too.

god damn it, i really dont know what to do about these mood swings. work is going to be hell. i guess the best i can do is ask everyone to bare with me. pfff, like that will happen. i mean who the fuck am i? grrrrr *GO AWAY DEPRESSING THOUGHTS, GO AWAY*...

I swear im beginning to sound like a psycho, talking to myself, going postal for no fucking reason at all, and back to the feeling of shit again.

i think im just gonna go take some vicodin for the pain that i have from getting my teeth jerked with today and then just crash. oh boy...this is gonna be hard this week. *crosses fingers* i need eddy right now. just to know he still wants me, to know that im still his and he's still mine. to know that im still apart of his life and he's apart of mine. *uncrosses fingers*

im having way too much fun with this shit lol...boredom kills

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 06:55:36 GMT

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn

What is yo name?

Yo gangsta name be

Cold Cappa

You ride around in a

Huffy Sun Catcher (Ride that bicycle, fool)

Yo gang

Slim Shady's Pink Ladies

Yo shoes be

Vans

Yo dubs be dis big, fool

4,332

How much money you got?

$3.62057656257784e+26

How gangsta are you, bitch?: 83%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

pffff if only lol...

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	eyes
best personality trait:	outgoing
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	it depends
when will you get married?	September 14, 2017
your kiss is:	fiery
People date you because:	you're everything they want in a girl/guy

Quiz created with MemeGen!

HA HA HA ROFLMAO!!!! (only my bestest friend will get this one)

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You work too hard
Strangers think	You're smart
Friends think	You smell really bad

Quiz created with MemeGen!

ok, im done filling my journal with this crap...night

ha ha ha, i made this all by myself. TRY IT

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 06:46:40 GMT

Take A Shot...See What You Got by strprncss
Name
Birthday
Lucky Number	87
Your Soul Mate

Quiz created with MemeGen!